An Open Letter to My Children: the Responsibility of Choice

My darlings, 

There are so many things I want you to understand in life, so many things I hope and try - try every single day - to teach you about life and living well. One of these things weighs heavily on my heart and mind today: the responsibility of choice. Please, don’t choose to see choice as a right, but rather as the responsibility it truly is. You will hear a lot of propaganda on “the right to choose,” regardless of the argument at hand. And while that propaganda does have a point: our opinions and choices belong to each of us and need to be our own as opposed to giving another person the power of your choice; there is fault in seeing this choice as an entitlement. Behaving as though you have the right to choose often leads to self-righteous decisions that pose a detriment to yourself and others. 

You see, as you go through life, you will be confronted with many opportunities in which you have the responsibility to make a choice. Sometimes, it will be as simple as choosing between fresh fruit or french fries as your side for lunch. Other times, the choice you are confronted with will hold a larger impact, such as how you treat another person, wether you take that sip of alcohol offered to you at a gathering with friends, or if you decide to take a relationship to a sexual level. With each of these circumstances, and many others throughout your life, you don’t get to make a choice, you have to make a choice. While I have hopes of the choices you will make - especially in the potentially life-changing situations - more importantly, I want you to choose responsibly. Make forward-thinking choices. Understand the potential results of each choice and consider those results before coming to a determination. And please know that I will always be available for you to discuss the situation, and I will do my best to help you come to a decision - your own decision - as opposed to infringing mine upon you.

I also understand there are a lot of external factors that will weigh into your decision. (My fingers are crossed that at least some of these factors will be the parental guidance you’ve received throughout your life up until this point of choice confrontation.) Regardless of which choice you make, also understand there will be consequences. Even if you make the “right” choice - or rather the better choice - such as choosing to not get into a car of friends when the driver has been drinking - there will be consequences. These are consequences that you will need to face, and while I’ll be by your side through whatever the consequence, these are still your consequences and the result of decisions you have made. Many choices result in consequences that will affect not only you, but others as well. These may be people you love, and some you dis-like (and that’s OK too), but they are all people and deserve to be treated with kindness. Regardless of the situation at hand, you always have the option to be kind in your choice. And I want to stress, being kind does not mean neglecting your opinion and delegating your choice to someone else’s wishes. Being kind means: do not be vindictive in your choice, intentionally hurtful in your choice, or - even worse - hateful in your choice. Every situation, even those of utmost difficulty, can be handled with firm, but gentle kindness.

I also acknowledge the fact that you are human and you will make mistakes. You may make a bad decision and you may face consequences that seem insurmountable at the time. And while I may not like or agree with a choice you have made, I will always love you and will do everything I can to help guide you through those consequences. While the consequences are yours, you will never be alone. 

Occasionally, you may find yourself in a detrimental situation that is the result of someone else’s choice. It may be unfair, but it is a part of life. Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes those reasons are because evil and meanness exist in this world. It is your responsibility to choose how you react to those situations. These choices theoretically have the power to perpetuate evil or dispel it. Choose wisely. Choose responsibly. 

All my love and understanding, 

Mom

Patience? What’s that?

Patience happens to be something I find I have very little of… I try to be patient, but Oh! The anticipation! Regardless of the anticipated outcome: good or bad, I want it here. And I want it now.

…I admit that I’m a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to patience. I’m consistently telling my son to be patient: don’t interrupt; no, we are not there yet; wait until you are older; among the many other quips we, as parents, find ourselves repeating over and over to our children. I even ask my fiancé to be patient: I’ll be ready in 5 minutes; I’ll just quickly run in and out. However, he admits to being even less patient than I.  

We all find ourselves with patience tried at one time or another. But can you imagine being patient in a time a loved one has beaten you or your children? Or being patient with a woman that continues to return to her abuser, time after time?

As the saying goes, time heals all wounds, but who has the patience?

Those at Children’s Inn have the patience of saints. The women, the children, the counselors, the volunteers: they all, while patience may be tried, take the time to heal the wounds, waiting, with patience. Anticipatory, likely; but patient still.

In the beginning of 2010, I had the opportunity to help initiate a makeover effort for Children’s Inn. The plan: grand, the timeline: immediate, and the effort: valiant of all involved. However, the execution? Delayed, and delayed, and delayed again.

Towards the end of 2010, my fear was that this effort would be abandoned, and that was something I could not bear. I had made a commitment to Children’s Inn and vowed to see it through. So, after months of work had gone into the effort, the effort was revised. The plan: less grandeur, more basic with functionality; the timeline: immediate still; the effort: unbelievable. And the execution? Completed!

Through Furniture Outlets USA, South Dakota Furniture Mart, and their fantastic and caring vendors, an overflowing amount of participation and assistance poured in. And finally, in May of 2011, the install took place.

Three common areas, a large family room, a small family room, and a teen area at Children’s Inn received fresh paint, all new furniture, area rugs, TVs, and wall art. The visible difference was drastic and beautiful; from industrial to cozy, stark to warm. The response was heartfelt and humbling, to know that those seeking safety will also find a comfort of home they may have never known before.

There is now an electric fireplace crackling in the large family room in front of the large scale sectional. And over-stuffed, comfortable rocking chairs towards the back of the room to comfort small children.

It is not uncommon to find someone curled up on the chair in the small family room quietly reading a book. Or find older children playing video games on the new flat screen TVs in the teen area.

And to witness this transformation for Children’s Inn? Definitely worth the wait.

Patience, while fleeting, is a wonderful thing. Because you can’t deny, some things are just worth waiting for. Some things are worth never giving up on. And the best things are often the most difficult to obtain, requiring hard work, and, of course, plenty of patience.

Click on the photos to the right to view some before and after makeover pictures of Children’s Inn.

To learn more about Children’s Inn and how you can help stop the violence visit http://www.chssd.org/ChildrensInn/

Get Your Red On!

I’ve always loved the color red. It’s so vibrant, so alive. Wanna make a statement? Red makes it loud and clear. I’ve got a red leather purse, red shoes, a few red shirts, and a little red-dress pin. And I’m wearing many of these things today for National Wear Red for Women Day. What a fantastic cause!

A woman’s heart bears many things. We bear the pain of our loved ones: the worry, the fear, the sorrow, the broken hearts, the disappointments, the aches, and the tenderness. And we revel in their joy.

I remember reading an email about being a mother, and it reasoned that the experience of having a child gives a woman the ability to live with her heart entirely on the outside of her body. I love that analogy… I’ve found no better explanation to describe how much a mother cares for and loves her children.

But it isn’t just the mothers’ hearts that need protecting. It’s the hearts of all women.

So, I ask you to join me today. Get your Red on.


**for more information regarding heart disease, please reference these websites:
http://www.goredforwomen.org/
http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/

Enjoy the Good Stuff. Life is Better That Way.

Some of my best childhood memories are playing with my parents and taking family vacations. Of course, I also have memories of girlie slumber parties with my friends, climbing trees, and eating fresh strawberries out of the garden. And I longingly reminisce the summers that seemed to stretch on forever, and, conversely, sledding down the HUGE sledding hill and building snowfamilies - pets included - in the snowy South Dakota winters. ...interestingly that huge sledding hill somehow doesn't seem so huge anymore.

But the best memories, those where I recall nothing but pure, childlike happiness that only a child without an ounce of stress can really experience? Playing with mom and dad. Baseball in the driveway, volleyball in the front yard, a little frisbee when it wasn't too windy. And not too far behind are the family vacations that were an annual summer trip - even if the distance was a mere two hours to visit the Sioux Falls zoo. I'm sure my parents were at least as busy then as I am now. They both worked outside of the home once all four of us kids were in school. Yes. Two parents, four children. That's a 1:2 ratio compared to my 1:1 ratio, with all four of us being active children involved in various sports and other interests. And I thought I had limited time!

Too often, it seems, parents find other things to occupy their children's time while they are busy doing whatever it is there isn't enough time in one day to do. Myself included! My son is 8. And he has a Nintendo DS. He has a wii. He has a TV, VCR, and laptop in his room, not to mention the Legos, Bionicles, and countless other toys that Christmas and Birthdays have showered on him. And, all week this week when I wasn't at work, I was busy cleaning and organizing my home and garage. My home has been in disarray for weeks, and I finally had a need for the other stall of my garage that required me to move the boxes I didn't know where to put when I moved in over two years ago. I was on a mission to have everything done by the weekend, and worked every night, from the time I got home from work til bedtime, while Isaac played basketball in the driveway.

Each evening he asked me to play with him. And each evening I said, "Maybe tomorrow, honey. I've really got to get this finished." All the while feeling a little guilty as I remembered my dad getting home from work and throwing a few pitches until I finally connected with the bat - even before he went inside to clean up. I don't remember my mom and dad saying "just a minute honey, I need to finish this first." unless there was potential for danger or burnt dinner. It seems to me I say "just a minute" more often than I don't...

So, tonight and more nights to come, I'm taking the night off. No working after work. Just playing with my boy, eating dinner together, getting some ice cream, and, inevitably, making some great memories. Because that's the good stuff. That's what life is really all about. No one is going to remember if I had too many papers on my counter, or a few dirty dishes in the sink. But my son will remember for the rest of his life the best parts of us being a family. One that plays together, prays together, loves each other, and makes life better somehow.

Sleeping Just a Little Easier Tonight

Every now and then my son is a little bit afraid to go to sleep at night, just in case a robber would happen to break into our house. I should note that he uses "robber" as an all-encompassing term for someone, particularly a stranger, demonstrating any sort of potential criminal activity. As much as I'd like to claim I am the fearless hero we mothers appear to be in the eyes of our children, I'm not. I've had the hairs stand up on the back of my neck when I think I've heard a strange noise after watching a particularly unnerving episode of 48hours. But I can always manage to convince myself that I'm letting my imagination get away from me. After all, I'm in my own home. I'm safe here.

Imagine being afraid to sleep in your own home at night. Now imagine that it isn't the robbers, or the bad guys, or even strangers driving that fear; but rather the one person who should be your protector, your provider, or the love of your life. It's difficult to imagine when it isn't the life you live. But it's real. And it is not discerning. Domestic abuse affects communities both large and small, victims young and old.

I've had the rewarding opportunity to recently work with Children's Inn, an amazing organization in Sioux Falls, SD that offers shelter to women and children suffering domestic abuse. The organization never sleeps and the people that work there a nothing short of saint-worthy. Through this opportunity I've had the pleasure to be involved in the arrangement of a donation from Restonic Mattress Company and South Dakota Furniture Mart, replacing every single mattress within the entire shelther. That's 35 beds. That's 35 victims sleeping a little better, a little easier, at least for tonight.

Thank you South Dakota Furniture Mart. Thank you Restonic Mattress Company.

And thank you Children's Inn. You give 1 better life to each individual person that needs you every single day. Now that is 1 greater world!


Find Children's Inn on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Childrens-Inn-Sioux-Falls-SD/129017138957

1 better life = 1 greater world

The concept is simple, really.

If each of us chose to live 1 better life, give 1 better life, we would have 1 greater world.

Big differences are made in the smallest of deeds: a vow to be more patient, caring, or kind, fulfill a need, plant a seed, lend a helping hand.

Each of us has a unique strength, a resource we can share.

Give. Live 1 better life.